A Very Rockstar Holiday Season Read online

  Table of Contents

  Author’s Note

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Ballad/A Very Rockstar Holiday Playlist

  Other Available Titles

  Where To Find Anne

  About the Author

  Copyright

  Table of Contents

  Dedication

  A VERY ROCKSTAR HOLIDAY SEASON

  ROCKSTAR BOOK 10

  ANNE MERCIER

  Cover Photo and Design By

  SARA EIREW

  COPYRIGHT

  A Very Rockstar Holiday Season

  ISBN: 978-0-9971000-4-4

  Copyright ©2018 Anne Mercier

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are products of the author's imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is purely coincidental.

  Cover Photo and Design: Sara Eirew of Sara Eirew Photography

  The use of actors, artists, and song titles and lyrics throughout this book are done so for storytelling purposes and should in no way be seen as advertisement. Trademark names are used in an editorial fashion with no intention of infringement of the respective owner's trademark.

  This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or if it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it to the seller and please purchase your own copy.

  PERSONAL NOTE: The only pirate I like is Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow and Captain Morgan, which means I'd appreciate if you'd keep my books to yourself. Pirating shows a clear lack of respect for the author—me. I'd rather not meet you on bad terms, so let's not do that, let's not meet that way. Let's meet at a signing or conference instead, or let's go have a cup of coffee or a drink—maybe some of that Captain Morgan! Thank you for respecting the time and effort put into each book. I appreciate it very much.

  CONTENTS

  Author’s Note

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Ballad/A Very Rockstar Holiday Playlist

  Other Available Titles

  Where To Find Anne

  About the Author

  AUTHOR’S NOTE

  I apologize for the delay in the release of the book.

  It’s time to show you a little of what’s been going on with Ben and Coley. It’s a short story, but it’s a new beginning for them.

  I’m working on Xander Book 2 now. As soon as it’s close to finished, I’ll announce a release date. I’m hoping for it to be sooner rather than later!

  If you are looking for release dates or information of any kind, please check out my website, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or Newsletter. For exclusive excerpts, teasers, and information, join us in the AM Famiglia Facebook Group.

  Thank you for sticking with me through all of my ailments. They’re kicking my ass, but I’m determined to kick theirs harder in 2018. Let’s make 2018 our bitch.

  Hugs and love,

  Anne xoxo

  DEDICATION

  To those wonderfully giving and loving human beings who have become parents to children who needed them,

  and

  To the children who found the parents they needed.

  Love one another and be happy. Bless you all.

  CHAPTER ONE

  Nicole

  I KNEW THERE was a good chance I’d never be able to have children. It was pretty much a given when I went through all the chemo, the first time and the last time. I’d come to terms with it—or so I thought.

  Then came the K-Quads. Those adorable babies stole my heart and had me longing for one of my own. Then Kadence came along. Oh, that girl stole my heart with just her smile.

  Just one. I’d go through chemo every day for the rest of my life if I could have just one. I’d endure the pain—the one where the softest of breezes hurt so much it felt as though my skin were going up in flames.

  But it’s not meant to be. Not for me. I know it. I quickly swipe at the tear of self-pity as I make my way to the waiting car.

  It wasn’t the babies or Kadi that made me think about it today. No, today it was a female student standing at the entrance to the building I was coming out of. She wasn’t standing alone. She was standing with what looked to be a baby of six months, maybe a little more, strapped to her chest in one of those contraptions Xander loves so much.

  It wasn’t the sight of them. It was the way the mother protectively held the child even though it was safely secured. It was the way she smiled as she looked down at the child and cooed some nonsensical noise or word the way we all do when we see an adorable baby. It was the abundance of absent-minded kisses to the baby’s head or cheek, like she just couldn’t help from showing that little touch of affection to her child.

  Her child.

  I smile a small smile because I know, without doubt or hesitation, that baby will be loved completely, and the mother will give everything of herself. Just as I would if I could have just one.

  “WHAT’S WRONG?” Ben asks as I set my backpack on the table in our suite.

  I turn and smile as I walk up to hug him close. He always knows.

  “What…?” he asks again as he kisses my forehead and rubs circles on my back.

  I look up at him, see his worry, and I know I need to talk to him about this now. I can’t hold him off any longer. I shouldn’t have ever tried, and I do feel guilty for worrying him as I have. I just needed to think things through so I knew what I wanted to say.

  “Can we sit?” I ask, holding his hand and leading him to an over-sized chair in front of a window that faces the ocean. Ben made sure he got a room with this view. It soothes him. Lucky for me as it soothes me too.

  He sits and pulls me to his lap, snuggling me close.

  “It’s not bad,” I reassure him, then kiss the tip of his nose.

  He looks skeptical. Who could blame him?

  “Lately…” I trail off then sigh. I look down at our hands then up to meet his gaze. “For a while I’ve been thinking about… babies. Children. Us starting a family.”

  He nods. “And?”

  I look up as tears well in my eyes, then blow out a breath, trying so hard not to cry. One traitorous tear falls, trailing over my cheekbone. Ben reaches up and cups that cheek, wiping the tear with his thumb. I lean into his hand, his support, his comfort.

  I sniffle and sit up straight. “I know I can’t have biological children, but there are other options.”

  “We talked about some of those options already and I told you I didn’t want to go that route,” he reaffirms.

  “I know. But… even if the child isn’t mine, it could be yours. We have enough donors. All we’d have to do is choose one, Ben. You could have a child with your blood flowing through its veins. Your DNA.”

  “If it doesn’t have any of yours, then I don’t want it. I don’t want to have anyone else as the biological mother of my child. No matter who they are.”

  He’s said this before when all the women in residence volunteered to donate their eggs if we went that way. Meggie didn’t. Truthfully, I think the thought of a child of her own fr
eaks her out. I don’t know why, but one day I’ll ask.

  “Okay. Then how about adoption?” I ask.

  Ben nods. “That’s what I want. There are a lot of kids out there who aren’t being loved right. We’d love them right.”

  I tear up at his words. He has so much love to give.

  “You’re going to make such a wonderful father.”

  He smiles softly. “I already know you’re going to be a wicked amazing mom.”

  “Yeah?” I ask, feeling a little doubt. Who wouldn’t? Being a parent is the biggest responsibility there is.

  “Definitely.”

  “Then that’s what we’ll do.”

  Ben kisses my cheek. “We’ll talk to Sera and Cage. They always seem to know everything. Hopefully they can point us in the right direction of a great lawyer who knows his shit.”

  “Of course they know everything. Cage is Batman, after all,” I tease.

  Ben chuckles. “I’m beginning to wonder.”

  I snicker as I rest my head on his shoulder. “It’ll take time. Time and patience. The first, I have a lot of now that I’m in remission. The second, I have very little of when it comes to waiting.”

  Ben laughs. “Don’t I know it.”

  I elbow him and laugh with him.

  “But we’ll be okay. We’re going to go through this together. No more handling things alone, Nicole. Not like you’ve been doing the last few weeks,” he chides.

  I sit up and hold his gaze. “I know. I just needed to think it through. All of it. I will always want to have your baby. Always. No matter what, that will never change. I think the longing will ease when we find our children, though.”

  “Children. How many are we talking?” he asks with a grin.

  “Two for sure. As an only child I can tell you it gets lonely.”

  “That sounds perfect.”

  He pulls me close and kisses my lips, sipping at them, pulling them between his own.

  When he pulls back, he looks at me. He’s serious. This is super serious Ben. More serious than I’ve seen him in a while.

  I run a fingertip over his eyebrow and give him the time he needs.

  “You’re so young, Nicole. If you’d rather wait until after you graduate…” he begins.

  I take that fingertip and press it to his lips. “I don’t want to wait for anything anymore. I want to live, Ben. The future for me, health-wise, isn’t certain. I want to live as much life as I can while I can.”

  His breath catches. “You won’t get sick again. I won’t be able to live in a world without you in it. I won’t be able to…”

  “I’m here, Ben. I’m here.”

  He presses his forehead to mine. “Thank God.”

  “I love you.”

  “Nicole, I love you, too.”

  “Show me,” I breathe.

  Ben stands and carries me over to the bed, lying me down softly.

  “You never have to ask.”

  CHAPTER TWO

  Ben

  I TAKE A DRINK of my Coke, then set the glass down on the table I’m leaning on. It’s a perfect California day so I’m taking advantage of it out on the patio. I’m trying to write a song that’s been stuck inside of me, but I can’t find the words.

  “Already drinking?” Jesse asks as he steps out into the bright sun’s rays.

  I pick up the glass and shake it side to side. “Coke.” I take another drink.

  “Fucking beautiful day, bro.”

  I nod. “That it is.”

  Jesse stands there, hands on hips, and he looks down. His hair had started growing back but the babies latched onto it, so he’s been keeping it short. Mine’s still long. I let it grow when he got his cut. We look too much alike otherwise.

  He lifts his head and looks to the sky, closing one eye he looks over at me and nods. He sits in the chair across from me.

  “You wanna talk about it?” Jesse asks.

  I run my hands through my hair. “Fuck, I don’t know, man.”

  “The adoption thing?” he questions.

  I nod. “Yeah. Cage pointed us in the right direction but for both Nicole and me, something doesn’t feel right.”

  “What do you mean? Like it’s a shady deal?” Jesse’s hands turn to fists. “One word to Gio and—“

  I shake my head, cutting him off. “No, not like that. We just know what we want and it’s not the perfect baby. So many other couples want and need that. What I think Nicole and I need are kids who need us the same way we need them. Does that make sense?”

  “Sort of, but not really.”

  “We want to not only find our children, we want children who deserve a better shake at life than what they’ve got going on.”

  His brow furrows. “So, kids like Joan takes in.”

  I nod. “I know it doesn’t make sense to you. Man, I don’t know how to say it other than to say we’ll know they’re our children when we see them or their picture.”

  “Then that’s what you do, bro. Just take it a day at a time. You’ll find them.”

  I know he’s right. It’s the waiting. And I thought Nicole was bad.

  “Patience, brother. Patience,” Jesse says simply.

  “Got any to spare?”

  “With four toddlers? Are you fucking kidding? This morning Konnor colored on the walls while Kierah cut his hair.”

  I laugh. “What? How did she get scissors?”

  “They’re the child kind! I thought they weren’t supposed to cut hair. Dude, Konnor’s gonna be sporting my short cut, and right when it finally filled in.”

  “How did she…” I burst out laughing.

  “She’s a she-devil. I’m serious, bro. I told Lucy to call Nana Russo to come over and deal with this girl or I was going to call her myself.”

  He leans his head back and I’m grinning, trying not to laugh.

  “What’s the wall look like?”

  He blows out a breath. “Thank fuck for those Magic Erasers. It came right off.”

  “Sounds like an interesting morning.”

  He stands up and heads to the patio door. He looks down.

  “And it’s only nine o’clock.”

  XANDER HOLDS HIS HAND over his mouth and makes the Darth Vader breathing sound as he holds Kierah up in front of him. “The mojo is strong in this one.”

  Nana Russo nods. “That it is. Let’s see what we can do about that.”

  “I don’t get it,” Lucy says. “I don’t have a lot of mojo.”

  Nana doesn’t look away from Kierah. “Yes, you do. You just don’t use it.”

  “I don’t know how to use it.”

  This time Nana does look over. “Oh, darling. You surely do. Try to fib to someone else.”

  Lucy blushes and then laughs.

  Jesse pales. “What?”

  Lucy pats his cheek. “What you don’t know won’t hurt you.”

  I walk out of the room chuckling as Jesse pales even further. There’s never a dull moment in this house.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Nicole

  WE SPOKE TO THE LAWYER and a few adoption agencies, but what I really wanted was more along the lines of fostering children, yet adopting them. I wanted to save children who needed us. Then we spoke to Summer. She was new to the family, but as a social worker she had the inside scoop.

  She said there were a couple of children she knew of that could use a home. First we’d start as foster parents, and if everything worked out well and we were approved, we could adopt.

  Ben loved the idea. Now we had to wait to be approved to be foster parents. I think that’d come simultaneously with Summer’s approval of Kadence staying with Jace here in Casa Falling Down.

  I admit, it looks bad. All these single men in one place. But they’ve turned it all around. Really, Lucy turned it all around, along with the help of Sera. I don’t know what goes on down the wing of singles and I don’t want to. That’s their private business, and I appreciate that they keep it as such.

  Kaden
ce. Kadence is our swear warden. It started with a quarter or fifty cents… I can’t remember, but it’s up to a dollar for the F word now—and she makes them pay. I love it.

  I’m dancing in the empty space behind the gym equipment, just some ballet I’d learned when I was younger and taking lessons—before I got sick. I did take some classes after I went into remission but I’ve never been the same as far as stamina. My muscles are weaker. I am weaker. I didn’t have an extreme love of dance like Kadi does.

  I noticed her sneak in a little while ago and she’s dancing behind me—flawlessly, unlike me. While I’m trying to manage my breathing, I don’t even hear hers though the music is playing softly.

  I open my eyes and look into the mirror. She’s not the only one behind me. Jace and Ben are on the other side of the glass separating the weight room from the empty one we’re in right now.

  Kadi doesn’t notice. She’s in the zone—the one dancers get in when they get lost in the movements. I’d stop just to watch her, but I’m afraid I’d disrupt her. The fluidity of her dancing, the grace and precision in which she moves, are ones you’d expect to see in someone much older. But not with Kadi. Kadi’s talent is natural, instinctive, innate.

  When the song ends, Kadi goes down in a move of pure grace, then takes a moment to recollect herself. I can see the moment she “comes back” from the zone. She looks up and smiles so big I’m surprised her face doesn’t hurt. I can’t help but smile right back.

  I reach for her and lift her into a hug. She wraps her legs around my waist.

  “You dance so beautifully, Kadi. So beautifully,” I whisper to her, wanting to cry because I know what she’s going to tell me next.

  She leans back and presses her hands to my cheeks, then leans in and whispers, “My mommy showed me how.”

  I struggle, but hold the tears back. I wish this girl hadn’t lost so much. Oh, how I wish she hadn’t. So, I lighten the moment.